ah you might think, you said you would get back to us yesterday, and you might think, why on Earth are you writing at this unearthly time? Well my friends, they are really for one and the same reason.
Rethink Mental Health contacted me to say that the Daily Mail are interested in writing an article about what it is like to be Isabella. Hmmm, I thought, and just why are they so interested in writing about a person who only has three 'safe' places she will go in the world, Sainsburys, my Doctors and the psychiatric unit? What is interesting about a person who cleans her home obsessively and then cleans it again? A person who is so full of grief and sadness that she resorts to cutting her body, drinking excessively and overdosing on her medication? Someone who has psychotic episodes and sees maggots, mice and guinea pigs? A person who was once a pretty terrific teacher, and now can't walk down a street, who wont talk to anyone, and can only communicate via this blog? Well apparently, the above paragraph is why......
So why then did I not write to tell you this yesterday, and why am I writing this at silly o'clock? Because just at the moment that I realised that I was ridiculously happy that someone thought I was interesting enough to write an article about, I realised why (re: above paragraph).....
It is not great to be worthy of publication just because I have lost the plot, I have articles from teaching newspapers about how great my teaching was, that is what I want to published for.
It would seem, whatever I do, I do it well; or at least well enough for the media to be interested in anyway, even being mentally ill.
So the moment of happiness was shortly followed by the bottom of my world disappearing and terminal gloom setting in. Of course I will be interviewed for the article, I will demand to see the article and insist on changes being made if I don't like it, but hell fire people...remember me because I was a great teacher, not because I am ill.
Much love x