The heart was made to be broken... Oscar Wilde

Love is a funny one, we all strive to find it, then we have it and few celebrate it, many find fault with it, then it is gone, and we mourn it. I mourn the loss of many loves. I cannot speak of them here, on this blog.... but I miss them, grieve for their memories, and wish things could have been different.  Another quote from Wilde, 'Never loves someone who treats you like you're ordinary'. It is at this point I have to get off the bus and agree. I absolutely have made some of the worst mistakes a person could ever make. That is my past. But now, I am worthy of love, which honours me and what I am, whether that is a nutty fruitcake on the licky bus to loonyville, or justjane. For this reason, I grieve love lost.

It has come at a bad time when I have a lot to do and a lot to gain for others, so I am trying to focus on being busy and not thinking too much.

Last quote from the amazing Wilde, 'Be yourself; everyone else is already taken'.

Much love, peace and safety x x x

Further diagnosis... more labels please (I liked the last one!)

Turned up at the Psychiatrists office with a bundle of symptoms, a whole load of confusion, damp tissues, overwhelming sadness and an inability to do anything about it. I am never going to talk about why, though the cartoon below explains why some of you might have an inkling as to what happened! Oh alcohol.. how I love its anaesthetic effects, sadly though it also gives me verbal diarrhoea! 

After an hour, I had two more of the lovely labels but this time it was a lot more serious.

Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.

Hmmm...serious stuff. These two disorders now have me permanently retired from the job I love, and unless I find a way of dealing with it, will leave me out of 'gainful employment' for good. But let's deal with the disorders first.

Chronic post traumatic stress disorder, many webistes out there which explain it well:

I think one of the best, which I feel best explains how and what is Wikipedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder

As for the emotionally unstable personality disorder, it kind of explains itself. I can't control my emotions, therefore when I am sad, I am very very sad. Most of the time, I am ok, but at times I need hospital treatment.

Web link, which kind of explains it best for me;

http://www.mhguidelines-leics.nhs.uk/default.aspx?page=eupd_assessmentdiagnosis

Writing this today, is pretty scary. Telling you what is wrong with me is massive. The external symptoms that you see, the drinking, the scars from cutting are my way of coping with these disorders. The drinking aneathetises me, the physical pain of cutting makes the uncontrollable pain of grief and sadness leave me. There is no attetion seeking in what I do, I do not cut in public, this is a very private way of dealing with myself. If you see the scars and you want to know, please ask. Please dont just fill in the gaps yourself. In the words of Oscar Wilde, 'You can never be overdressed or over educated'.