Monday, 22 October 2012

It's ok......

....I'm fine, I just took a sabbatical from writing. I did explain, in the post before the emails to and from the NHS, that I was just soooo tired. Though writing can be a great help in sorting out life, the universe etc etc, just sometimes it isn't. I was finding that writing was bringing back a lot of stuff I had previously chosen to forget and that wasn't healthy for me.

However, due to public demand (!), I AM BACK... HA HA HA

So, how have things been?

I have been spiralling around my self destruct circle, but have come out a little more scarred, a little bit wiser, and a month older.

Have spent some time in hospital, and a while in Police cells, eight hours this time. I have to say that though the Police still haven't received any training on how to deal with the mentally ill who are detained on section 136 of the mental health act (place of safety), they really are doing their very best under very difficult circumstances. On suicide watch, I was checked on every fifteen minutes, and bless them, after endless cups of coffee and magazines to read (with staples removed, in case I hurt myself with them) a number of Police doctors, nurses and then the Forensic Medical Examiner, I was released at three in the morning. I cannot remember how many Officers came into the cell to tell me I hadn't done anything wrong, but they just had to look after me for a while, they all said that they were worried that this wasn't the place for me to be, but that there wasn't anywhere else for me to go which was safe. Being released at three in the morning I was to get a lift back to the flat in a patrol car, but MOMD was there to collect me, which was a surprise.

Great news is that the psychosis has not returned recently, and that though I am still vegetarian, and not eating anything red, as a result of my psychotic ability to see inside of animals, trucks, houses etc, this really isn't proving to be a problem, and I am losing weight, which is good!

The rest of it, doesn't really warrant writing about, except I suppose that I am still here. I wish I could say that I have had a moment of revelation and that I have made the realisation that everything is ok, but I haven't.

I had a great idea that I would spend some money and buy a road legal quad bike and have a mid life crisis, but haven't found one I like. Thought about buying a fishing boat and catching tuna, but not sure that is a great idea as I suffer from sea sickness.

But I am now looking forward. That is not to say that I am void of crisis, but as long as life stays very stable, I am ok. But don't rock my boat, send it off course, I end up in the whirlpool of self destruct, and it just isn't good.

Good to be back.

Much love x

7 comments:

Kitty said...

Hi Isabelle, it's sooo good to see you back. I've been following your blog ever since Froogs mentioned you but have never commented before. I've been mentally ill too, similar but different to where you are now, and lost most of my thirties to it, I don't mention it on my blog though. I can't promise to comment often because I'm very slack, but I WILL be reading.xx.

Isabelle Nuts said...

Thank you Kitty! make sure you comment sometimes, it is good to know that people are reading!
Much love x
PS. Hope you are better now

susan said...

Hi hun, glad to 'see' you again,
Love Susan x

Lisa said...

Much love Isabelle. Be kind to yourself

Lisa

Isabelle Nuts said...

Hey Lisa, I am doing that and hope that you are ok x
susan, yeay, you are still here... get writing, I need to know what happens next!
much love x

jacqueline said...

Hi Isabelle. I also have been reading your blog since Froogs mentioned you. Missed you and wish you strength and the ability to cope with life.

Isabelle Nuts said...

Hello Jacqueline, thank you...it is nice to know that I am being read, and thank for your kind thoughts too x