Before I begin......

I have to tell you what a massive impact having all of your support has had on me and how I am. Your amazing comments, the number of hits my blog got yesterday alone (two thousand, five hundred and twenty nine, that is 2529!) is astonishing, massive, huge.... and makes my writing, not only cathartic, but now healing. Your comments leave me feeling pretty huge about myself, sometimes tearful, but always supported and now, never alone... so many thanks to you all, how can I not get better now!

Last night.....

zzzzz.......
Usually getting to sleep involves a great concoction of vodka, sleeping tablets and meditation (then giving up and watching endless CSI, NCIS etc, whatever 5USA has to offer) But last night, after having over 1750 hits on my blog, and the amazing supportive comments, I was asleep by eleven, vodka untouched, meditations not needed, slept like a baby, with a feeling I haven't had for years.... peace of mind.
THANK YOU ALL
I feel as if I am doing and have done, something that really matters, and something I feel I have your support with. I no longer feel alone, yes I might feel lonely, but that is different.
I approach today with a new vigour, perhaps wrong word, resolution, that it really will be ok (soon), and ....... my lovely mate Nikki is bringing her epilator round at 2pm so I can wear my skirt without having spider legs growing from them!
Without sounding melodramatic guys and girls, thank you, your support has and is making such a difference to the way I am feeling about myself..... can't say more than that.
BUT will later when I have met the MP chap

In the clear light of the following day....

some things have become totally clear.
Maybe my blog last night was too honest, maybe a description of what it is like to be 'totallynutty' is not kind to readers, and leaves me vulnerable to lack of understanding and fear from others. But no, friendship has poured in, not just in comments on the bog, but through facebook comments, texts, phone calls and visits.
 My mistake to fear fear.
I am so lucky to have friends who get it.
I am going to open/advertise the blog more widely. What's the worse that could happen? Fear, negativity, lack of understanding, in which case, I just delete it, or remove access to those who cannot be educated in the ways of lunacy!
Thank you to all my friends who are there and support me, and those who do not fear, 'manic defense against chronic dysphoria', love you all x x x and much love to those who don't get it too, it took me years to accept it x