Just a moment.....

...just want to scramble onto my soapbox......

It takes a certain amount of moral courage to stand up and say that which the silent masses know, but do nothing about, and a certain self belief to do so.......

To rise up against the NHS and the Police Force, both major institutions in this country, takes not only intelligence and nerve, but also requires the passion to do so, the ability to keep doing it when it appears nothing is happening, to continue when it seems isolating....and why? Because it is worth doing. Because it has to happen. Because every day somewhere in this City, someone, somewhere, needs those missing resources.

Yes, there has been publicity, and yes, that is important... I wonder if the conversation between the head of Plymouth Police and Oliver Colvile MP regarding detaining mentally ill people in cells when they need 'a place of safety' (Section 136, Mental Health Act 1983) would have happened if I hadn't bought it to his attention? I wonder if the resulting publicity did anymore than provoke the usual bigots who comment on articles in the Plymouth Herald to state that mentally ill should be cells, should be given strait jackets and head protectors to stop them from hurting themselves....if the article did little more than objectifying those with mental health illness... I don't know, but I hope not.

What I do know is that I don't start something without the intention of getting my own way... yes, maybe my idea of a naked protest across Plymouth was a little more than courageous, probably bordering on daft, and would have got us all locked up...but it is that passion that drives me forward...

The frustration which comes at times, can stop me. Why don't others see this as a priority? Why can't others see what damage is being done by their lack of urgency, their lack of prioritisation? But we are one in four, that is a quarter, and I guess the three quarters, don't know what it is like to be in that other quarter, and I am not alone, I am sure, in hoping that they never become the one in four that they currently are not.

So, onwards ever onwards, no I don't need a troop of cheerleaders with their pom poms, shouting that I am doing good.... I don't need a parade of naked one in fours waving banners in the air... I just need to remember what it was like to be sat in a cell for hours, what it was like to be dropped back at my flat after forty eight hours of assault, physcological assessment and then forensic examination, to know that this is right, and I will do it. 

Let Battle Commence.......

PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK

Now we are getting somewhere......thank you Mr Colvile MP, this is just what we need to get stigma and horrible discrimination out of this city! My hours spent in cells have and do haunt me.  

Another Froogal sucess....

following Froogs posting on making scarfs while being crap at knitting, I knocked one up using an old Breton t-shirt and the remains of some seventies pillowcases I had made into cushion covers. Am going to wear it for pre-meeting with the marvellous Oliver Colvile MP which I am hoping to set up some time this week, so that we can discuss the aims of our meeting with the Police Officer at Devonport Police Station, think I will look a little brightened by the flowers, but slightly serious with the stripes, well one has to dress to impress...! Am pretty pleased with myself, as I haven't attempted anything without a pattern for a long time.
Am off to charity shops shortly to pick up some material to make a comfy quilt for those stay at home days.... and hope to get cracking with that once I have sorted out fabric.
Pleased to say that I am feeling good today and have recovered from last seizure, I am quite sure that the increase in frequency of the fits more recently, is due to a change in medication and my brain getting used to it, so not a problem.
Am well on the way to sorting out bundle of documents from under the bed in relation to the meeting with Police, later this month, and happily am not traumatised by re-reading them, at least that isn't going to turn into a dragon.
You will be happy to know that the vodka dragon is well and truly slain, and no lasting side effects from dalliance with alcoholism. After all, how can I campaign for the rights of others, if I am reliant on vodka to manage myself?
Much love x

Hmmm....another duvet day?

the news brings more terrifying images of yet another 'escaped' feline, this time a large black cat, probably another photoshop illusion, but hey, it could be a reason to have another duvet day... Unfortunately I have run out of electricity so will have to get up and go to shop to top up electric key. Presumably by now huge black cat will be back at home, normal size and eating its kitty kat, no normal cat would be out today, the rain is torrential.

Had an email from Oliver Colvile, the health reporter from local newspaper has not been in touch with him. I will email her in a minute, my concern is that she has decided not to go forward with the article, I guess if she has I will have to take my concerns to a different way of publicising the need for both the crisis house and for the 136 Unit to be re-opened...but it does concern me. Maybe a naked protest through the city centre would do it.... I could contact other people like me and we could set out naked across the city, a few placards and banners, and obviously welly boots, it really is very rainy today, proclaiming the need for these resources.
I cannot complain about my treatment. Secondary mental health services in the city are excellent. But they fall down when they are not supported by these resources which are needed in times of crisis. Please note that Plymouth City Council were prepared to buy into the local football team, but when the airport needed funding, they were no where to be seen. Hmm... prioritisation of funding?  Right now I am doing ok, but the other one in four of us out there in the city might not be, and I pray that we can do something to support them when/if they need additional support in times of crisis.

Response from Oliver Colvile MP......

yesterday I had a phone call from Mia Rees, PA to Oliver Colvile, and then an email from him!
He has spoken to Theresa May, the Home Secretary regarding the situation in Plymouth,  re: lack of crisis house and the unit for 136 detainees being closed, and also about what happened to me. I am not sure what her response was as yet, but we have a meeting soon, so I am sure that I will be updated then. He is seeing Andrew Bickley, the Chief Superintendent of Police for Charles Cross on Friday, and will discuss with him, my experiences in the cells! The meeting with Tony Hogg is set up for the 11th October, and after conversation with Mary Embleton, is going to talk to Twelves Company, the Sexual Assault Referral Centre.
I must chase up the Health Reporter from the local newspaper, as she was meant to call me regarding positive publicity for the need for a crisis home... glad that he reminded me about that.
So, all good news. I must say that I had never thought of going to my MP before, and when I did, I was surprised by not only how seriously I was taken, but also the positive actions which have come from that meeting. I recommend it to you all dear readers, if you have a fight, take it to Parliament!

Follow up letter to MP

                                                                                                                     

Dear Mr. Colvile

Thank you for our meeting of the 9^th August 2012. I know it has been over a week since we spoke, but I just wanted to clarify a few points, so that I am prepared for the plans we have made.

Firstly I have contacted             and spoken to him about my experiences. He feels that I would be better served speaking to                     the Health Reporter, and I am expecting to hear from her soon.

I understand that you are writing to the Home Secretary to ask about other Crisis Homes, where they are and how they operate. Also, that you would be visiting a crisis home in Exeter.  I have had a response from Steve Waite, Chief Executive of Plymouth Community Healthcare, regarding the Crisis House, he has asked for twenty one days to respond!

Steve Waite has also responded  regarding the unit for people held under Section 136 of the Mental Health Act at Glenbourne. Apparently, this unit has been closed, as it was manned by using a nurse from the Glenbourne unit for the necessary assessment of people detained. As this nurse was then then withdrawn from Glenbourne, there was an impact on service in this acute ward. Therefore the unit was shut. It will however be reopened at the beginning of the next financial year, when more appropriately, a nurse will be recruited to man this unit at all times. However, my concern remains the human cost of this decision, and that even I, can see many ways in which this unit could be manned in times of crisis immediately.

You said that you would arrange to meet with Mary Embleton, the lead mental health commissioner for Plymouth to discuss my experiences.

You said that you would be meeting with Andrew Bickley, Chief Superintendent of Police regarding my experience of being detained under section 136 of the Mental Health Act in a Police cell within Charles Cross Police Station. You also mentioned that Charles Cross Police Station was the busiest within the country, and had problems within the custody area with detainees having drug and alcohol problems and was an area where there was significant abuse of Police Officers. I feel this does not make this area a place of safety within the Mental Health Act.

You said that you would arrange a meeting with myself, David Carney Heworth, a Sergeant at Devonport Police Station, and yourself, to discuss my experiences of domestic abuse and a way forward in terms of the judicial process.

You also said that you would arrange a meeting of yourself, myself and Tony Hogg, the Conservative candidate for Police and Crime Commissioner for Devon and Cornwall, to discuss the lack of crisis house, and the closed unit for Section 136 detainees.

I understand that you have a lot to organise, and a lot of people to speak to. However, I would like an idea of when the meetings you have arranged for me to be present at will be, and what sort of response you have had from Chief Superintendent Andrew Bickley, the Home Office and Mary Embleton.

Many thanks,

Isabelle Nuts

Ooooooeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............

I feel really really poorly.  Poorly in the body, not the confused brain. Simply have no energy, finding it hard to stay awake at all,  and getting unbearably hot. Have managed to sleep through daytime tv til 1pm, which isn’t too difficult on a normal day, but today eeeeeeeeewwww…. Horrid.

Felt I needed to post, to put yesterdays post into perspective, if you see what I mean.

When I emailed Oliver Colvile and Steve Waite, Oliver Colvile arranged a meeting with me, and I posted about what happened there. But I had heard nothing from Steve Waite at all, until Friday, when I was lying in the sun on the boat, with no access to the Internet, and obviously my email!

My previous post was two emails which must be from him, via admin, I guess. Interesting stuff, at least the second one was, and when I keep my eyes open for longer than two minutes,  I will respond to accept proposal that I help with the policy.

In the meantime, I think I will not attempt more than staying horizontal, drinking nothing stronger than coffee, and try to sleep off whatever bug this is.

Much love x

Last night.....

zzzzz.......
Usually getting to sleep involves a great concoction of vodka, sleeping tablets and meditation (then giving up and watching endless CSI, NCIS etc, whatever 5USA has to offer) But last night, after having over 1750 hits on my blog, and the amazing supportive comments, I was asleep by eleven, vodka untouched, meditations not needed, slept like a baby, with a feeling I haven't had for years.... peace of mind.
THANK YOU ALL
I feel as if I am doing and have done, something that really matters, and something I feel I have your support with. I no longer feel alone, yes I might feel lonely, but that is different.
I approach today with a new vigour, perhaps wrong word, resolution, that it really will be ok (soon), and ....... my lovely mate Nikki is bringing her epilator round at 2pm so I can wear my skirt without having spider legs growing from them!
Without sounding melodramatic guys and girls, thank you, your support has and is making such a difference to the way I am feeling about myself..... can't say more than that.
BUT will later when I have met the MP chap

dear God, call off the meeting.....

At the end of a long and lovely day I sat down to relax, take a few breaths and enjoy the evening sun, and there like a vision  came a reflection from my legs onto the neighbours wall.... omg, hairy... I beat the Marines, the local rugby club, the local troop of chimpanzees for hairy legs.  I can't possibly meet my MP with legs like this, what would he think? Oh no problem, I think and rush off to find epilator (obviously not allowed razors as they are sharp things I will cut myself on). But when I find the epilator, the rabbit has eaten his way through the power cable. Ok, no problem, I will replace the internal battery and remove offending hairy bits, but no, the internal battery has corroded itself in place and cannot/will not be removed by force, will or prayer. Thus I have hairy legs, and a meeting with my MP in less than twenty four hours.

Silent panic sets in... ideas begin. Apart from taking prescribed medication for panic attacks I begin to formulate way through this crisis. Being on DWP benefits, I cannot just pop down to Argos, Boots etc and pick one up, so I will apply for a crisis loan through the Benefits Agency, the meeting isn't until 4.30pm, so if they will give it to me in cash, I will be OK, legs hair free. Google for answer to this, no, they wont give me crisis loan for an epliator, and anyway they will pay it into bank account, so no use at all. Think it through.... hair removal cream? Have always responded with massive red weals to this, what is worse, red lumps on my legs or hairs like a gorilla? Decide against depilatory cream. Oh come on girl, just drive down to Tesco and buy a razor, use it to remove offending hairy areas and then put it in the dustbin in the backyard, and it has gone, no reason to keep it, no reason to chop up own body, just remove hairs and then bin forever.

Decide to wear trousers.

thoughts....

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it....Pablo Picasso.

Today is the day I put together the pack for appointment with MP. Not quite what to take, apart from making sure I wear clean pants I am not sure what else? Some statistics could go down nicely, as I am sure that MPs like those, but I am rubbish with numbers, but will see what Google and I can come up with. A copy of all my letters to the Police, jeeez, I will have to take a back pack for all this stuff.
Guess all I really need to take is my passion for change, and my story. Hope that will do it.
Last quote for this entry... from the Dalai Lama, "If we try to secure the well being of others, we will, at the same time, create the conditions of our own".

Hmmmm….. Certain concerns about appointment with MP next week.

      Oh my god, what shall I wear? If I go suited and booted, makeup on and looking professional, then unfortunately stigma says that I don’t look like a nutter and maybe he wont take my complaint seriously. With this thought in mind I dyed my hair purple yesterday. I am planning to fill up my shopping trolley with plastic carrier bags, and not wash for a week. Maybe if I wear my wetsuit, with a bobble hat and slippers I may look the part. However, after being detained under section 136 of the mental health act once this week, I don’t really want to go back there.

This week has potentially been one of my worst weeks, hence the amount of drawings I have been putting up onto Facebook. Drawing is a diversion tactic for me, it makes me concentrate on something other than dying.

Yesterday I decided to cut my face off, and put cigarettes out on my arms, after having lacerated them with a Stanley knife. Therefore, today, when I was meant to have blood tests to make sure my liver is still working because of the amount of vodka I drink, I bottled out and left the waiting room. What can I say to people who ask what happened to my face? ‘Oh I cut myself shaving’, ‘be careful of exfoliation, it can remove parts of your face’, ‘I was wrestling with alligators and came off worse’, ‘be careful of those piranhas in the river, they are hungry right now’, or should I just say, I hate myself and my stupid face and wanted to cut it off?. Oh the cuts on my arms? ‘ Battling with brambles in my garden, and they won’, ‘I was engaged in a duel to the death, and though I obviously won, I have some superficial cuts’. The blisters and burns, hmmmmm, more tricky, however, what about, ‘I was involved in studying an active volcano which erupted whilst I was in the crater’, or ‘I have become allergic to sitting next to people who are not nuts, go away’.

It is ok though, I have come to a contract with my CPNs boss, a lovely man. I have agreed that I will not self-destruct until 12.30pm today, when he will phone me again with another contract. Though I have been thinking that contracts should be mutually beneficial; I don’t die on his watch, therefore he is ok, and has done his job well. But what about me? Do I get a fiver for not deliberately self harming? A certificate? A bottle of vodka? I think not, but I will negotiate with him later.

So, going to see MP today would on one hand be pretty good, as I am looking a right old nutty state, but then again, the points I wish to make need to be listened to, understood and acted on as if I wasn’t stigmatised and discriminated because I am justjane.

Letter to MP Oliver Colville and Chief Exec of Plymouth Community Healthcare

RE: Lack of Crisis Home and specialised unit for patients detained under section 136 of the Mental Health Act

Dear Sir
I write, not as a letter of complaint, but of one despair and hope. I write with honesty about me, my illness and my need for resources to be improved, not only for me, but for all other patients who have had to endure stigma, discrimination and a lack of understanding from those who have not been educated in how to manage those with mental health illness.
On the ******* I was *****. I was picked up by a Police patrol car and taken to *********  Police Station.I was naked and was given a blue paper outfit to wear At this point it was decided by the Police Officers, that I needed to be psychologically assessed to determine whether or not I was fit to consent to be forensically examined for evidence of the alleged ****. This took the whole day, being moved first to ************* Police Station, where I was told I could not be seen as I would contaminate evidence as the accused was being held in custody. I was then taken  to ********* Hospital, where I sat in a room with several Psychiatrists, a social worker, a student nurse, and two SOLO officers to determine whether or not I was competent. This took most of the day. At ten o'clock I was taken from the ward, out through the public entrance. During this time, wearing only the blue paper suit, which stank of the accused and what he had done ( I was physically sick throughout the day because of the smell), I was taken in and out of the Hospital by uniformed officers, through the public waiting area. The Officers were uniformed and I felt as those watching us walk though could only consider that I was under arrest, or in some kind of trouble with the Police. I was taken to the forensic examination room across the other side ofthe city and was intimately examined. Afterwards, though they had spent all day ascertaining that I was suffering from severe and enduring mental illness symptoms of which are self harm and alcoholism, I was dropped back to my flat where I live alone. I will not explain to you what happened next, as there is only so much you need to know about my self hate and torture, but lets just accept it wasn't nice. I should have been dropped to a crisis house. The majority of major cities have crisis houses where people like myself, who are a danger to themselves are looked after during crisis, rather than being admitted to a general psychiatric ward.
On the night of the ********I  I was visited by a Police Officer, she was there as I was not answering my phone, and someonewith a super sized ego thought I must be dead if I didn't answer his phone call, but I just wanted an evening to myself, not to talk to anyone. However, when the Officer saw the cuts to my arms and legs, she called for a Sergeant to attend. When I went outside for a cigarette, I was detained under section 136 of the Mental Health Act. I was taken to ************* Police Station. I was put into a cell, stripped of my clothing and had a scanner ran over my body. The scanner picked up metal in my hips, legs and ankle. I explained that I had had titanium implants in these areas, the surgical scars are still obvious, they they then felt it necessary to internally examine me both vaginally and rectally. I was kept in a cell for five hours. Eventually I was seen by a psychiatrist who had access to my care plan and I was allowed to leave.
People who are detained under this section of the Mental Health Act, should not be kept in a Police cell. The unit for section 136 must be reopened immediately. I understand it has been closed due to financial cut backs, but these financial cut backs may be the reason, or may already be a reason for a person taking their own lives.  My symptoms have now escalated to the point where my psychiatrist is phoning me daily, my medications have been increased, and we are looking at me having to be an inpatient at the Priory as the local psychiatric hospital would be too traumatic for me. I have no complaint with the secondary mental health team, they are second to none. I have amazing care from my psychiatrist, My CPN is brilliant and visits me at least weekly, the Gateway to Mental Health service is consistently helpful. But they cannot do their jobs effectively whilst there are these lack of resources.
I have many ideas, how we could get these resources in place, but can no longer write, it is all a bit traumatic and raw to write anymore. But I will send you my phone number, please lets make an arrangement to meet so we can discuss this further.

PS. Odd how the logo has crossed fingers, this shouldn't be about luck, it should be about human rights