At the end of a long and lovely day I sat down to relax, take a few breaths and enjoy the evening sun, and there like a vision came a reflection from my legs onto the neighbours wall.... omg, hairy... I beat the Marines, the local rugby club, the local troop of chimpanzees for hairy legs. I can't possibly meet my MP with legs like this, what would he think? Oh no problem, I think and rush off to find epilator (obviously not allowed razors as they are sharp things I will cut myself on). But when I find the epilator, the rabbit has eaten his way through the power cable. Ok, no problem, I will replace the internal battery and remove offending hairy bits, but no, the internal battery has corroded itself in place and cannot/will not be removed by force, will or prayer. Thus I have hairy legs, and a meeting with my MP in less than twenty four hours.
Silent panic sets in... ideas begin. Apart from taking prescribed medication for panic attacks I begin to formulate way through this crisis. Being on DWP benefits, I cannot just pop down to Argos, Boots etc and pick one up, so I will apply for a crisis loan through the Benefits Agency, the meeting isn't until 4.30pm, so if they will give it to me in cash, I will be OK, legs hair free. Google for answer to this, no, they wont give me crisis loan for an epliator, and anyway they will pay it into bank account, so no use at all. Think it through.... hair removal cream? Have always responded with massive red weals to this, what is worse, red lumps on my legs or hairs like a gorilla? Decide against depilatory cream. Oh come on girl, just drive down to Tesco and buy a razor, use it to remove offending hairy areas and then put it in the dustbin in the backyard, and it has gone, no reason to keep it, no reason to chop up own body, just remove hairs and then bin forever.