Thursday, 23 August 2012

sorry to say...

today has been horrid, torrid, and yet hopefully some good will come of it. I have failed to be assessed by the local 'womens aid', or whatever they are now called, as the assessment raised too many questions, which I am not well enough to be able to respond to without falling into crisis, which I have. Looking for comfort from MOMD, have met with blank resistance, that my behaviour is unacceptable, and therefore he doesn't want it around him, but that is another story all together....... was then rescued by wonderful CPN, Nick. Wonderful man, don't know how I managed before he was here to make things cope able.
Have had some lovely phone calls from AMAZING friends, which reassure me that humanity is not dead, but I have to say that today is over, and has been over for some hours, I have taken the cop out route, hell, sometimes, even one dragon a day is too much.
But, some good news, and some that I know will be good for you to hear, is that the health reporter, who I mentioned in my last post has spoken to me, and seems keen to take on the fight with me, so here's to things being better in this city for others like me, who are ill, really pretty ill tonight, and who deserve to be looked after better... maybe she can take up the reins and I could have a few more days of oblivion.
Much love x
P.S. MOMD = Man Of My Dreams


susan said...

Not going to say anything about MOYD, can't find the right words, I am a Gemini so see both sides of any situation. I hope this bad day for you is an isolated one, you deserve better. If I could give you three wishes, what would you ask for?
Susan x
PS - If I knew how to attach pictures, I would send you a luxury box of chocolates, and a virtual hug, always takes the edge off for me.
PPS mine is called 'FW' ie F**kWit' lol

Isabelle Nuts said...

Hmmm... what would I wish for? Peace of mind... ever replenishing supply of that please. Unaided, peaceful sleep, and a big hug please! Cant eat chocolate, gives me a migraine!
PS. Love the FW comment, maybe I am being too kind with MOMD!
Much love x

Gordon said...

ghtfonAbout the "failed" assessment - sounds like you are pretty clear what presses your buttons in an unacceptable way at this point in your journey. Seems positive to me.

Re the MOYD, I was in his situation for many years, and have also experienced a long and horrible period of pharmaceutical-induced depression and anxiety attacks, so can sympathise from both points of view.

My experience was that there are just times when it is not possible to be caring, empathetic and rational. The effort to treat each situation in isolation from previous similar situations can be just too much, no matter how much I wanted to, and no matter that I realised that it was unfair. We are humans, and humans tend to conflate the present with the past, instead of "living in the moment" and responding to the present according to its needs and reality.

The best I could do was to provide a loving, caring, empathetic response as often as I could - which in the end was not enough to keep the relationship going.

I'm not making excuses for the MOYD - there is no way that anyone can know the full circumstances of what passes between two other people.

You do seem to have (and be gathering) a circle of supportive people, thanks in no small part to your openness, courage and ability to describe your situation in such eloquent language. Just a pity that some of us are too far away to provide more than "virtual" ears and hugs.

Stay strong. You are amazing.

Isabelle Nuts said...

Thanks Gordon x