Sunday, 19 August 2012

Detox day two....

again, not much sleep, many lucid dreams. Dreams of things I don't want to remember, dreams of the past.... Woke really hot, drenched in sweat... but hey, still here!
Making the best of another hot overcast and rainy day by clearing out bathroom. Have washed down walls, tiles, skirting boards and floor. Polished mirror, cleaned shower tray. Scrubbed around seals of shower doors and cleaned both the outside and inside of the glass doors. Cleared through old makeup, odd bottles, of what seemed like a good idea at the time body lotions and hair serums and have decided that I do not need quite as many bottles of mascarra, have now cut down to three. Scrubbed loo until it is too good to use, might have to pee behind bush in backyard now. Motivated by this triumph, and a lovely smelling bathroom, decided to take on the kitchen.... second load of washing in, feeling good, though still desperately hot... think I will look up on Internet about detoxing at home...then clean kitchen cupboards etc....
Read up on detoxing at home, and after looking at three or four sites, consider rushing out to buy demon vodka and give up trying to do this on my own. Withdrawal can cause seizures, coma etc etc. Should only be done under medical supervision, they give you drugs to make this easy... but then read that first forty eight hours is the worst, and I have done that already.... struggle with thought that I could easily excuse myself for drinking tonight, as medical advice is against doing detox at home, but decide that keeping driving licence wins hands down, so keep on... decide to clean entire flat and not find any excuse to go out and find myself buying alcohol......

6 comments:

Arwedd said...

No, no, you've done the worst bit, don't look back. Get thee behind her demon vodka.

You can do this. You are much stronger!! Licence needed for potential shoplifting, more important.

Arwedd xx

susan said...

I don't really know what to say to you for encouragement, but you seem to be doing good so far, keep writing, those of us out here reading you are pretty impressed with how you are getting on - well I certainly am!
Susan x
PS I have only dipped the tippiest tip of my little toe in the ocean of adult mental health when my son had a major depressive crisis (suicidal ideation) last year and it was scary beyond anything ever in my life (and there has a been a lot of scary, including my teenage daughter self harming and having help from CAMHS, she is so much happier now), I am debating getting help for my own depression in spite of dealing/coping with it for 30 years on my own - if I go to get help, will you?
PPS please don't think that this is a challenge or anything - it's frightening to think about seeking 'official' help...oh dear

susan said...

Double PPS - sorry about long comment, I am supposed to be writing my own blog (dollyclothespeg) but not doing very well, I write a lot in my head and that's as far as it goes. There are a few drafts from ages ago but am not sure if they are relevant, my moods change almost daily, I'll go and have a look and think about it. Your life has more difficulties than mine so I feel a bit wimpy. I am inspired by your resilience.
x
x

Anonymous said...

You are doing so well. I have never attempted anything as daunting as you are doing. But know I am sending you all the stength I can. Just imagine receiving lots of parcels and when you open them they are bags of strength from all your readers. Lxx
PS sorry these are all under the anonymous tag but I don't have a blog

Isabelle Nuts said...

Thank you for your support, and lovely comments.

jacqueline said...


Hang in there and don't give in to your dragons. You are a very strong brave person and I wish you all the strength to fight all your dragons. One at the time. xx